Fussy Baby- Cause Undetermined.

Sitting in the er in Junction city ks. Our baby who never cries became hysterical about two hours ago and has barely stopped crying at all. He's burped many times- is it gas? Colic? Is there really such thing as colic?

Another nurse that looks like Katy Perry. (see post dated 1/28/11). When we finally see the doctor (whom I had to practically awaken from a catatonic state in front of his computer) he is really fat. And slow. There is something about a morbidly obese doctor that just makes him, well, untrustworthy.

By now jack has calmed considerably. Fat doctor gives him the once over and writes on his discharge papers "fussy baby- cause undetermined ". Thanks Fat Doc. Now it's official. We are those parents. You know, the ones who bring their babies to the er for gas. By the time we get back to the holiday inn, its 2 am and jack is sleeping peacefully.

But let's get back to the story, I'm sure it won't be Jack's last trip to the er.

Illinois- the adoption capital of the universe

On Monday, we got a call from our Illinois adoption attorney Debbie. She had spoken to the judge and he decided that we could skip the ICPC process that petitions to allow us to leave the state and transfers legal guardianship from the agency to us. And go straight to the final adoption hearing. You heard me right, sports fans. With Olivia we waited six months and went through two different home studies to become her legal parents. Jack was officially going to become our son in TWO DAYS. We just couldn't believe it. We were told it was because of our amazing reputation as parents through the Colorado agency and attorneys in Colorado and California.

Now a little about Debbie. She, an adoption attorney, her mother, a professor at Washington University in child & family studies, (the Harvard of the Midwest, I've been told) her father, a research scientist who developed the tb test still used on infants today. Her sister Susan is a social worker who used to work for a Lutheran adoption agency that would not work with same sex couples or Jewish couples who wanted to adopt. Being Jewish, this understandably bothered Susan, so with Debbie's help, they opened their own agency. Her mother, needing a retirement project, became executive director.

Amazing miracle workers if you ask me. This is all going down as Susan's 14 year old daughter is at children's hospital undergoing a barrage of tests to identify the cause of her seizure disorder.

Even now, driving down i70 towards home five days later, I can't believe it. Jack is our son!

Big sister Olivia and the most amazing grocery store EVER

After a pretty restful night at the drury inn in belleville, jack and I made a quick stop at the neighborhood babies r us, then off to st Louis to bill and phyllis's beautiful home to await the arrival of the minivan full of my loved ones.

Phone rings. It's the social worker with the agency. The bm AND bf have signed the relinquishment paperwork! Hooray! One step closer to becoming Baby Jack's parents.

Trying to kill time waiting for my family to arrive, I went to the closest grocery store to lay in some supplies for Olivia. How can I describe this horn o plenty? It's beautiful with an entire cheese department. And god love any state that allows the sale of wine in a grocery store. Dierburgs. Upon checkout the overtly friendly gentleman informed me that there was live music on the weekends. And you can enjoy a glass of wine as you shop. What what WHAT? You read correctly, folks. Drink wine while you shop. That's what that drink holder thingie was for on the cart, and here i thought it was for coffee. Hilary, you still with me? It's probably a good thing that I learned of this in my sleep deprived state as I was leaving the store. If I had had a glass of wine then I would have hit the deck and not gotten up. That's okay, I'll be back, dierburgs.

Finally the family arrived and we all got to ooh and aah and kiss on the baby. Olivia was amazed and very gentle. She has become very protective of the baby around bill and phyllis's dog, Dezi.

After some homemade chili and putting Olivia to bed, it was time for jeff, jack, and I to head back to the drury.

One more night in the hospital

Friday, and jeff and Olivia and mom have made plans to leave Colorado tomorrow. Jeff's dad will meet them on I-70 to get the dogs and they will be on the way! As alone as I have felt, I do feel like I have dodged a bullet in missing a two-day road trip with a 21-month old.

I envisioned our new minivan packed to the rafters with snacks and toys for Olivia, compliments of her mimi. My sweet husband is a saint. I'm sure he is looking forward to having another boy in the family.

I met jack's pediatrician and scheduled his circumcision with the ob-gyn. we would be able to leave at 11:00 the next day. Then off to our family friends beautiful home in St. Louis. I would be so relieved to see Phyllis & bill. Phyllis's daughter has also adopted, so this is not her first rodeo.

I was pretty cross-eyed by bedtime. Having nobody to share Jack's feedings
With, I hadn't gotten much sleep. The nurse offered to put jack in the nursery for a couple of hours so I could get some sleep. I awoke at 8:00 Saturday morning!

The birth parents could not sign paperwork to relinquish their rights until 72 hours after the birth. There was some concern as to whether the bf would sign. If he does not, there is a 30 day waiting period where if he does not contest, his rights are automatically terminated. Susan was going to the bm's house on Sunday for her to sign, and we didn't know if the bf would even be there. Was I worried? No. I knew the bm would sign, and even if the bf didn't, I knew he would never contest the adoption.

After visits from our attorney Debbie and the agency rep Susan (fascinating women, more about them later) we were able to leave about 4:00. One complication- I was going to have to sleep in a hotel.

I was not allowed to sleep outside of Illinois with jack until we had gotten permission from the ICPC (interstate compact.) I could take jack for visits to the show me state, just not spend the night.


Off to the drury inn.

The Flip Side of the Hospital Coin

As dirty and run down as California Hospital was, where Olivia was born, the birthing center at Memorial Hospital in Belleview is a beautiful, modern facility with- guess what- REAL LIVE DOCTORS!

But let me start where I left off. The nursing staff at Memorial was expecting me, and even had a room ready for me. After getting the bm's groggy permission, they were able to allow the baby to sleep in my room with me. He is so good! (Yes, I know, Tanya, you are cursing me for having two perfect babies.) He rarely opens his eyes, but when he does- WATCH OUT LADIES! He is a handsome devil!

The only problem with him is, well, he's a boy. It's taken me many failed attempts (and many wet pairs of pants) to get his pee pee pointed in the right direction inside his diaper. Otherwise, the tinkle goes anywhere but where it's supposed to.

The next morning I woke up and the nurse told me that the birth father was at the hospital visiting the bm. This nurse was amazing- she was always looking out for me. She said that the bf was holding the baby the day before, and she was really worried because he and the bm were talking about how could they afford to raise the baby themselves. Was I worried?

The truth was, I wasn't. I don't know how to describe this feeling I had, but it was a peaceful, calm inner belief that everything was going to work out. I was all by myself with a newborn that was hopefully going to be my son soon, and my husband and daughter were sick at home, but I knew deep down that everything was going to be okay.

The bm told the nurse that she wanted me to come to her room to meet the birth father but it would probably be better to wait until her mother gets there to mediate. Awesome. Baby Daddy Drama!

I'll tell you a little bit about the bm's mother (let's call her the bgm). She is the mother of 6, including 2 adopted kids from her sister. She is the true matriarch of her family, and takes care of 6 grandchildren in her home every day. When the bm got pregnant the first time at age 17, she would not let her have an epidural during labor because she wanted her to remember the pain so she didn't get pregnant again. Thankfully that didn't work.

That afternoon I spent 3 hours in the bm's room with her, the bf, the bgm & bgf, the bm's son, and nephew. I had a heart to heart with the bf, who is 23. I explained to him that when I was 23, I was skiing every day and partying every night. I never would have been able to take responsibility for one child, much less two. I think the bottom line was he wanted me to know that this decision was hard for him. I told him I wouldn't have much respect for him if it wasn't.

At one point, as I was changing Jack's diaper, I noticed the bf looking over my shoulder.  "C'mon and jump right in."  I told him, hoping he'd want to help me out.  "Unh uh," he said.  Looking back, I realized he probably just wanted to check out his junk.

Illinois has a 72 hour waiting period for relinquishment. What this means is that birth mothers can't be asked to sign away their parental rights until 72 hours after the birth. If the birth father does not sign, and does not contest the adoption, after 30 days his parental rights are automatically terminated. This is what I was convinced would happen.

Chapter two- baby boy Schlichting.

Meet Jackson Gill Schlichting. Born October 25, 7lbs 10 oz 19 in. Gestation period: 5 weeks

Olivia had not been to day care in a week. Urine cultures (which are fun with a girl who's not potty trained), throat cultures, flu tests, blood tests, chest x-rays, and 4 visits to three different doctors gave us no info as to what was causing her fever of 101. A virus. Jeff got it too, and I have never seen him so sick.

Being the glass half full kind of gal, I look at the past week as an opportunity to wean my students from Mrs. Schlichting's care. While they got to experience instruction from a panoply of substitute math instructors, I got to catch up on episodes of Barney and read Goodnight Gorilla thirty-seven times.

So I guess it was a good thing that I had requested a sub through the often faulty and generally unreliable SAM automated Subfinder for Thursday morning. Come to think of it, I never checked to see if anyone picked up the job. Because by 7:00, my phone rang. It was our birth grandmother saying our birthmom had gone into labor, and they had just arrived at the hospital.

Book a flight. Repack into a carryon. Worry about Olivia. Worry about Jeff. Worry about Mimi worrying about me. Jump on a van. Get to the airport in plenty of time. Whew. Google viral meningitis. Fly to Memphis. Eat a barbecue sandwich the size of my head. Wait as my flight is delayed 45 minutes. Then another 30. Then another hour. Watch as they bring another aircraft from the hangar Call my friend Phyllis in st. Louis to tell her not to bother picking me up at the airport at midnight. Call jeff to ask him to rent me a car. Board the flight to St. Louis. Fly to St. Louis. Rent my car. Drive 45 minutes across the mighty mississippi into Belleville, Ill. to the hospital. Try to be coherent as I explain to the security guard who I am. Make it to the birthing center and there, behind the nurses' station is the most perfect baby boy I have ever seen.

The Three Week Gestation Period

Sorry to have been gone for so long.  I know how lucky I am to have such a cooperative baby.  Olivia is not fussy, eats, poops pees, and sleeps a lot.  I have been asked to put the "finishing touches" on this blog, so to speak.  It's good for me to keep track of what happened our last week in California.  So here it goes...

On the Monday after Superbowl Sunday, we took Olivia to a clinic in Long Beach to get a newborn checkup.  There were probably about 50 people in the waiting room, overwhelmingly Hispanic.  Once again,  Jeff and I are the only white faces in a sea of brown.  The clerk asked us for our insurance info, which I provided him.  (Children are under the coverage of their parents' insurance for a month after birth.)  For some reason, the clerk could not process my insurance.  "Do you have a California address?" he asks.  Not really, why?  OOOhhh, MEDI-CAL.  No, not Medical, but Meddie-Caal, the state of California's answer to Medicare.  After being informed that the address of the adoption agency will do, (although I am quite certain we could have made up any address)  he typed it into his computer and that was it.

Newborn checkup with two real, live, in-the-flesh MD's = zero dollars
Two whooping cough vaccines for Jeff and I = zero dollars
Working the system = priceless.

I guess Jeff and I shouldn't feel too guilty,  Bob and Jan, my in-laws, paid taxes in California for years.  It is, however, no wonder that the state is broke.

Olivia had lost three ounces, which is normal for a newborn, but the pediatricians we saw thought she should gain more weight, and wanted to see Olivia again in two days.

We were given these pre- mixed formula bottles that spoiled after an hour of opening, so if Olivia finished one, we wouldn't open another.  Since she never fussed for more, we never gave her more.  And, we never woke her up to feed.  Upon leaving the clinic, Olivia had no idea that her world was going to change.

Every two hours we fed her.  Woke up to feed her.  Drove her crazy feeding her.  You would think she was a prizefighter trying to get into a higher weight division.  Or a sumo wrestler.  Or a competitive eater training for the Coney Island Hot Dog Challenge.  Grow, Olivia, grow!

Tuesday arrived and we got a call from Nikki, the social worker at the agency.  They paperwork that was sent to Pasadena to be processed in order to permit us to leave the state with our daughter was missing one important piece.  Her health record from the hospital.  No problem, I told Nikki.  We just went to the clinic yesterday.  We will have up-to-the-minute records faxed right over. Called the clinic.  Was transferred to the records department.  "You will have to come in and sign a release."  No problem.  "And then it will take a week for you to get the records."  Oh no, you don't understand, we were just there yesterday.  "One week."

I had to laugh.  Really?  One week?  Now the funny part was, all we were waiting on was a phone call from our attorney TO MY CELL PHONE giving us the OK to head home.  Are you following me?  We could have accepted this call from our living room sofa, or a beach in Mexico, or the moon, and nobody would have been the wiser.  Don't worry, Seth, we never would have done that.  But the thought did cross our minds.  :)


So our next call was to the clinic and we asked for Dr. Wu, the pediatrician who saw Olivia the day before.  She wasn't in (of course) but the nice pediatrician on duty agreed to fax Olivia's records to the agency if we promised to sign and pre-date a records release the following day, when she was scheduled for her follow up appointment.  Finally!  Someone who was willing to bend the rules for a good cause!  God bless you, nice pediatrician!Off to Kinko's to print, sign, and fax a form emailed to us from the agency stating that we never received any health records upon being released from the hospital, hoping that they would, in the meantime, receive the fax from the nice pediatrician.

A couple of hours later, we received the news.  We were cleared to go home.  Much to my mother's dismay, we told her we would leave on Friday.  We wanted to have Olivia's weight checked at the clinic on Wednesday and needed one day to pack and say goodbye to everybody.  When Wednesday's appointment arrived, Jeff and I held our breath as Olivia was weighed- she gained seven ounces!  Way to go, Olivia!  We were so proud.

That afternoon we called Lindora and asked her if she wanted to see Olivia.  She said yes, that she thought she would like to meet her.  So we packed her up and took her over to meet Lindora and the boys.  Lindora couldn't stop commenting on Olivia's beauty.  She handled it with strength, grace, and a little emotion.  Jeff and I were very pleased that she got to say goodbye to Olivia, I think it's very important for her grieving process.  Dwaun was pretty torn up and had a hard time; that was heartbreaking.  How do you explain all of this to a 13-year old?  Evey time I touched Olivia's foot, or held her hand, or tickled her cheek, Dylan would remove my hand.  Already a protective big brother!

We spent Thursday packing and walking around the neighborhood.  Olivia got her picture taken in front of the Korean Friendship Bell overlooking the harbor.  Margie (our landlord) came by with gifts for Olivia.  Babies come with a lot of stuff- I'm surprised Jeff fit it all in the car.  My husband is a magician! 

We took two days to make the drive home, stopping every couple of hours to feed Olivia and let her stretch.  It must suck being buckled into that car seat all day!

After being home for about three weeks, I still find myself in disbelief.  I had a dream one night that everything was too good to be true; that Olivia was really made out of wax and we let her get too hot and she melted.  I just try to treasure every moment, hold her close and breathe in her marvelous baby scent and kiss her fat cheeks and stare and stare and stare at her.  We met Lindora on January 10.  Olivia was born on the 29th- just shy of 3 weeks gestation period.  40 weeks is for sissies.

Here are some pictures for those of you who feel so far away...