The Flip Side of the Hospital Coin

As dirty and run down as California Hospital was, where Olivia was born, the birthing center at Memorial Hospital in Belleview is a beautiful, modern facility with- guess what- REAL LIVE DOCTORS!

But let me start where I left off. The nursing staff at Memorial was expecting me, and even had a room ready for me. After getting the bm's groggy permission, they were able to allow the baby to sleep in my room with me. He is so good! (Yes, I know, Tanya, you are cursing me for having two perfect babies.) He rarely opens his eyes, but when he does- WATCH OUT LADIES! He is a handsome devil!

The only problem with him is, well, he's a boy. It's taken me many failed attempts (and many wet pairs of pants) to get his pee pee pointed in the right direction inside his diaper. Otherwise, the tinkle goes anywhere but where it's supposed to.

The next morning I woke up and the nurse told me that the birth father was at the hospital visiting the bm. This nurse was amazing- she was always looking out for me. She said that the bf was holding the baby the day before, and she was really worried because he and the bm were talking about how could they afford to raise the baby themselves. Was I worried?

The truth was, I wasn't. I don't know how to describe this feeling I had, but it was a peaceful, calm inner belief that everything was going to work out. I was all by myself with a newborn that was hopefully going to be my son soon, and my husband and daughter were sick at home, but I knew deep down that everything was going to be okay.

The bm told the nurse that she wanted me to come to her room to meet the birth father but it would probably be better to wait until her mother gets there to mediate. Awesome. Baby Daddy Drama!

I'll tell you a little bit about the bm's mother (let's call her the bgm). She is the mother of 6, including 2 adopted kids from her sister. She is the true matriarch of her family, and takes care of 6 grandchildren in her home every day. When the bm got pregnant the first time at age 17, she would not let her have an epidural during labor because she wanted her to remember the pain so she didn't get pregnant again. Thankfully that didn't work.

That afternoon I spent 3 hours in the bm's room with her, the bf, the bgm & bgf, the bm's son, and nephew. I had a heart to heart with the bf, who is 23. I explained to him that when I was 23, I was skiing every day and partying every night. I never would have been able to take responsibility for one child, much less two. I think the bottom line was he wanted me to know that this decision was hard for him. I told him I wouldn't have much respect for him if it wasn't.

At one point, as I was changing Jack's diaper, I noticed the bf looking over my shoulder.  "C'mon and jump right in."  I told him, hoping he'd want to help me out.  "Unh uh," he said.  Looking back, I realized he probably just wanted to check out his junk.

Illinois has a 72 hour waiting period for relinquishment. What this means is that birth mothers can't be asked to sign away their parental rights until 72 hours after the birth. If the birth father does not sign, and does not contest the adoption, after 30 days his parental rights are automatically terminated. This is what I was convinced would happen.

Chapter two- baby boy Schlichting.

Meet Jackson Gill Schlichting. Born October 25, 7lbs 10 oz 19 in. Gestation period: 5 weeks

Olivia had not been to day care in a week. Urine cultures (which are fun with a girl who's not potty trained), throat cultures, flu tests, blood tests, chest x-rays, and 4 visits to three different doctors gave us no info as to what was causing her fever of 101. A virus. Jeff got it too, and I have never seen him so sick.

Being the glass half full kind of gal, I look at the past week as an opportunity to wean my students from Mrs. Schlichting's care. While they got to experience instruction from a panoply of substitute math instructors, I got to catch up on episodes of Barney and read Goodnight Gorilla thirty-seven times.

So I guess it was a good thing that I had requested a sub through the often faulty and generally unreliable SAM automated Subfinder for Thursday morning. Come to think of it, I never checked to see if anyone picked up the job. Because by 7:00, my phone rang. It was our birth grandmother saying our birthmom had gone into labor, and they had just arrived at the hospital.

Book a flight. Repack into a carryon. Worry about Olivia. Worry about Jeff. Worry about Mimi worrying about me. Jump on a van. Get to the airport in plenty of time. Whew. Google viral meningitis. Fly to Memphis. Eat a barbecue sandwich the size of my head. Wait as my flight is delayed 45 minutes. Then another 30. Then another hour. Watch as they bring another aircraft from the hangar Call my friend Phyllis in st. Louis to tell her not to bother picking me up at the airport at midnight. Call jeff to ask him to rent me a car. Board the flight to St. Louis. Fly to St. Louis. Rent my car. Drive 45 minutes across the mighty mississippi into Belleville, Ill. to the hospital. Try to be coherent as I explain to the security guard who I am. Make it to the birthing center and there, behind the nurses' station is the most perfect baby boy I have ever seen.

The Three Week Gestation Period

Sorry to have been gone for so long.  I know how lucky I am to have such a cooperative baby.  Olivia is not fussy, eats, poops pees, and sleeps a lot.  I have been asked to put the "finishing touches" on this blog, so to speak.  It's good for me to keep track of what happened our last week in California.  So here it goes...

On the Monday after Superbowl Sunday, we took Olivia to a clinic in Long Beach to get a newborn checkup.  There were probably about 50 people in the waiting room, overwhelmingly Hispanic.  Once again,  Jeff and I are the only white faces in a sea of brown.  The clerk asked us for our insurance info, which I provided him.  (Children are under the coverage of their parents' insurance for a month after birth.)  For some reason, the clerk could not process my insurance.  "Do you have a California address?" he asks.  Not really, why?  OOOhhh, MEDI-CAL.  No, not Medical, but Meddie-Caal, the state of California's answer to Medicare.  After being informed that the address of the adoption agency will do, (although I am quite certain we could have made up any address)  he typed it into his computer and that was it.

Newborn checkup with two real, live, in-the-flesh MD's = zero dollars
Two whooping cough vaccines for Jeff and I = zero dollars
Working the system = priceless.

I guess Jeff and I shouldn't feel too guilty,  Bob and Jan, my in-laws, paid taxes in California for years.  It is, however, no wonder that the state is broke.

Olivia had lost three ounces, which is normal for a newborn, but the pediatricians we saw thought she should gain more weight, and wanted to see Olivia again in two days.

We were given these pre- mixed formula bottles that spoiled after an hour of opening, so if Olivia finished one, we wouldn't open another.  Since she never fussed for more, we never gave her more.  And, we never woke her up to feed.  Upon leaving the clinic, Olivia had no idea that her world was going to change.

Every two hours we fed her.  Woke up to feed her.  Drove her crazy feeding her.  You would think she was a prizefighter trying to get into a higher weight division.  Or a sumo wrestler.  Or a competitive eater training for the Coney Island Hot Dog Challenge.  Grow, Olivia, grow!

Tuesday arrived and we got a call from Nikki, the social worker at the agency.  They paperwork that was sent to Pasadena to be processed in order to permit us to leave the state with our daughter was missing one important piece.  Her health record from the hospital.  No problem, I told Nikki.  We just went to the clinic yesterday.  We will have up-to-the-minute records faxed right over. Called the clinic.  Was transferred to the records department.  "You will have to come in and sign a release."  No problem.  "And then it will take a week for you to get the records."  Oh no, you don't understand, we were just there yesterday.  "One week."

I had to laugh.  Really?  One week?  Now the funny part was, all we were waiting on was a phone call from our attorney TO MY CELL PHONE giving us the OK to head home.  Are you following me?  We could have accepted this call from our living room sofa, or a beach in Mexico, or the moon, and nobody would have been the wiser.  Don't worry, Seth, we never would have done that.  But the thought did cross our minds.  :)


So our next call was to the clinic and we asked for Dr. Wu, the pediatrician who saw Olivia the day before.  She wasn't in (of course) but the nice pediatrician on duty agreed to fax Olivia's records to the agency if we promised to sign and pre-date a records release the following day, when she was scheduled for her follow up appointment.  Finally!  Someone who was willing to bend the rules for a good cause!  God bless you, nice pediatrician!Off to Kinko's to print, sign, and fax a form emailed to us from the agency stating that we never received any health records upon being released from the hospital, hoping that they would, in the meantime, receive the fax from the nice pediatrician.

A couple of hours later, we received the news.  We were cleared to go home.  Much to my mother's dismay, we told her we would leave on Friday.  We wanted to have Olivia's weight checked at the clinic on Wednesday and needed one day to pack and say goodbye to everybody.  When Wednesday's appointment arrived, Jeff and I held our breath as Olivia was weighed- she gained seven ounces!  Way to go, Olivia!  We were so proud.

That afternoon we called Lindora and asked her if she wanted to see Olivia.  She said yes, that she thought she would like to meet her.  So we packed her up and took her over to meet Lindora and the boys.  Lindora couldn't stop commenting on Olivia's beauty.  She handled it with strength, grace, and a little emotion.  Jeff and I were very pleased that she got to say goodbye to Olivia, I think it's very important for her grieving process.  Dwaun was pretty torn up and had a hard time; that was heartbreaking.  How do you explain all of this to a 13-year old?  Evey time I touched Olivia's foot, or held her hand, or tickled her cheek, Dylan would remove my hand.  Already a protective big brother!

We spent Thursday packing and walking around the neighborhood.  Olivia got her picture taken in front of the Korean Friendship Bell overlooking the harbor.  Margie (our landlord) came by with gifts for Olivia.  Babies come with a lot of stuff- I'm surprised Jeff fit it all in the car.  My husband is a magician! 

We took two days to make the drive home, stopping every couple of hours to feed Olivia and let her stretch.  It must suck being buckled into that car seat all day!

After being home for about three weeks, I still find myself in disbelief.  I had a dream one night that everything was too good to be true; that Olivia was really made out of wax and we let her get too hot and she melted.  I just try to treasure every moment, hold her close and breathe in her marvelous baby scent and kiss her fat cheeks and stare and stare and stare at her.  We met Lindora on January 10.  Olivia was born on the 29th- just shy of 3 weeks gestation period.  40 weeks is for sissies.

Here are some pictures for those of you who feel so far away...

Beshert

No  blog posted over the past couple of days, but that is a good thing.  We have been busy signing paperwork and staring at our daughter.  I'll never forget when my good friend Laurie brought her daughter Libby  home from the hospital, she said, "She's so beautiful I'm actually frightened I may take a bite out of her."  I thought that was a little weird at the time but now I totally get it.  If all goes according to plan, we should be home by the end of the week.  If it wasn't for this blog and Skype, I think I would have jumped off a cliff by now.  This technology is a good thing and makes me feel connected to all of you Olivia fans.  We feel so blessed to have all of you in our lives and can't wait to get home to see (most of) you!

When we were signing our paperwork at the agency, the social worker taught us a new word, beshert.  It is Yiddish for "destiny" or "meant to be."  I feel so fortunate to see this clearly.  All the pain and disappointment of the past months has pointed us here and brought Olivia into our lives.  I am asking all of you to remind me of this sentiment when Olivia is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store, or begging to have her ears pierced at age 5, or puking with the stomach flu.  :)

Thursday night Olivia got invited to her first party.  Our Indonesian landlord made satay for the Chinese New Year and invited us and our neighbors next door, Matt and Tracy (from Ft. Walton.)    It is traditional to wear red on the Chinese New year, so off to Target we went to find Olivia the perfect outfit.  Matt & Tracy are really fun, and Margie is a total trip. We laughed a lot.  Olivia enjoyed herself too.  (Who are we kidding?  She slept through the whole thing.)

Today was our first day off with the baby- our second freeway free day.  We finally got it together and left the house about 2 PM.  (Hey, it takes awhile to construct the appearance of being a "hot mom" who has the diaper bag packed with every little thing her baby may need and her own lip gloss and sunglasses.)

Our first stop was the Pacific Diner to see Vicki and the gang, as promised.  The girls oohed and ahhed over Olivia, who was sleeping, of course, and Vicki cried.  Best omelet I've ever had.  Then we cruised down to Pt. Fermin Park, one of the coolest places in San Pedro.  See video #2 below.

Tomorrow Olivia will enjoy her first Superbowl.  (Or sleep through it.)  I think she's decided to root for the Steelers.  She would have a much easier time cheering for Pittsburgh if she had a terrible towel to grasp with her little fist and swing around her little head (hint, hint, Auntie Margie Caughlan!)

All for now...

Waiting on Test Results, the Poop Tsunami, and MORE OLIVIA!

I  have been told that you people don't really care about trash day here in San Pedro.  So, as I am waiting for more Olivia video to upload, I will update you on the events of the past 24 hours.

Upon leaving the hospital, we were promised sickle cell test results on Wednesday (we were actually told the results would be in Monday, which is why we were so late in leaving the hospital.)  This was the only thing that was holding up our adoption.  Since people with sickle cell cannot live at altitude, the agency decided that they would not let Lindora sign her relinquishment paperwork until the test results were received.  So we waited anxiously.  And Olivia slept peacefully.

11:00 AM:  Our first call to the hospital.  No test results.
1:00 PM:  No test results.
1:30 PM:  The Poop Tsunami.  Jeff starts to change Olivia's diaper and starts to yell "Get wipes!  Get wipes!"  as he is changing her astronomically large poopy diaper.  The question- can she squirt me with pee like a boy?  Well, no, but we did learn it's more like a small water feature.  Then the poop continues, oozing out as we are trying to get more wipes.  Laughing hysterically, and three diapers later, we are thankful for the comic relief.  Olivia smiles and waves her hands in the air.  Gotcha, Mom and Dad!
2:00 PM: No test results.  We are told they will be ready at 3:30.
2:30 PM:  We attempt to upload the photos and video of Olivia taken in the hospital on Jeff's camera and realize they are gone.  Poof.  I talk Jeff away from the ledge and try to keep him from throwing his camera into the nearest brick wall.
3:30 PM: No answer.
3:35 PM: No answer.  Olivia sleeps peacefully.
3:36  PM: No answer.
You get the idea.  Finally, at 4:20 (no inappropriate jokes, please) Jeff speaks to the nurse.  She had the results! Positive or negative?  Positive or negative?  Positive or negative?  The nurse couldn't (or wouldn't? we still don't know) interpret the results.  They needed to be read by a pediatrician.  But she would be happy to fax the results to the agency.  I don't know if you know this, but there aren't any pediatricians that routinely hang out at our adoption agency.  So they couldn't interpret the results either.

Now, loved ones and Olivia fans, I had held it together pretty well until this point.  You would be proud.  But I absolutely lost it at this point.  My knees became weak and I had to sink to the floor so I wouldn't drop the baby.  Actually putting her down was not an option.

4:30 PM:  Jeff and I both jump on our cell phones.  Olivia sleeps peacefully. 
He calls our friend Shannon Garton, a family practitioner in Vail, and I call Norm Numerof, my internist and pal from my mountain rescue days.  I phoned him at home, and in the process of telling our story to his wife Karen (also a friend from mountain rescue)  I broke into tears.  Norm wasn't home but was expected shortly and she promised us he would call as soon as he walked in the door.

Shannon tells us that if Olivia had tested positive for sickle cell, they would have called us back to the hospital immediately to start treatment.  There is no cure for sickle cell, but early intervention can lessen the symptoms throughout life. 

4:45 PM  I emailed Ted Vickerman the test results, whose wife is the amazing and wonderful Dr. Susie Vickerman, Olivia's soon to be doctor, explaining our story. Ted and Susie have 2 wonderful boys whom I have had the pleasure of teaching some math, and I'm not lying when I say that they are 2 of my favorite students (it's the apple/tree thing.)

5:00 PM: I call my friend Kendra while Jeff called our friend Bev to get names of their pediatricians in the area.  Their doctors had either left for the day or wouldn't help us without an appointment.

5:30  I talk to Norm and he tells me that he is going to do some research and contact a pediatrician friend of his and will get back to us.

5:45 PM  Dr. Vickerman calls and assures that the test results are indeed negative and a pediatrician has already looked at the results- his name is right on the results that were faxed to the agency!  Now, I'm just a math teacher, but after Dr. Vickerman explained how to read the results it was VERY straightforward and understandable.  I guess we are the first people in the State of California to adopt a baby or have one tested for sickle cell.  I am still baffled why the nurse told us she couldn't read them.  In a litigious society, I'm guessing the reason was CYA.

6:00 PM:  Jeff talks to our attorney here in California.  Olivia sleeps peacefully.  The attorney has contacted a doctor friend of his that he helped to adopt a baby 18 years ago.  It turns out her son's pediatrician is the doctor that signed off on the results at the hospital!  Call it Kismet, or Karma, or just plain faith...

6:30 PM  Momma pours  a glass of wine and melts into the couch.  The neck and back pain she was feeling and thought was a result for holding the baby has miraculously disappeared.  Olivia sleeps peacefully.

Ok, this is the last one!

Sunny Cali

This is way easier than typing...

Olivia's Video Debut

As promised, here is some video of the Lovely Olivia Ann.